Tuesday, July 14, 2009

EAT AT JOE'S (flash flash in neon)

Something has gone terribly wrong in my garden. The leaves have all fallen off my pepper plant - there is now a lone stalk, about 6 inches tall with a small pepper blooming out of it. No leaves. It makes me think of an anorexic super model, pointy curves along the stem where there used to be leaves, big bobble head at the top.

My tomatoes are doing no better. The leaves on my tomatoes are turning yellow and crinkling at the edges. The ones that aren't yellow and wilting are being eaten by something. Whatever is eating them is very indiscriminate - there's a hole here. Another hole there. A little from this leaf, a little more from that one. What happened? There are also little black specks on my tomato leaves and around the base of the plant - what are these?!? They look like little black microscopic turds. Is something snacking on my tomato leaves, then leaving me little black buggy turds? Grrr.

When I watered the plants tonight I almost wet myself (as in peed my pants, nearly) when a giant brown and gold bug with wings jumped out of my tomatoes. I blasted it with water - forgetting that I am on the top floor and there are people below me across the alley... oops, the neighbors were none too happy with my squealing and water destruction routine. Apparently the bug was not afraid of the high-pressure stream of water, it just kept settling in different places. I kept blasting. It kept moving. My neighbors finally started hollering. I stopped blasting. Brilliant!

In the process of blasting the icky brown bug all over the place I managed to blast my tomatoes here and there... a couple green squiggly worms were unleashed into the dirt below. Yuck. Where did these come from? I live on the fourth floor of an apartment in the middle of LA? Did the worms claw their way up the walls? Is there a sign on my garden that says "Eat at Joe's" and is flashing in some neon color only bugs can see?

I disposed of the worms - at least those I had blasted off. I am on my way back upstairs shortly to do further battle with the bugs. Oh yeah, my basil is also turning yellow and wilting and something is eating at that too - but of course only a little from this leaf and a little from that. I just want a couple nice green basil leaves to pair with a delicious tomato and some fresh mozzarella, drizzled in olive oil, sprinkled with salt and pepper.... I digress.

Time to do battle - shut the neon sign down. Lights out Bugs! I'm coming for you!!

By the way... if anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.

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